Saturday, April 14, 2012

Please don't go

I'll eat you up, I love you so.

Those three days where some of the best to date.

I can't really say the same about these past two.

The quiet reminds me of what isn't here, what I left behind. The quiet gives me time to think. Perhaps too much time. Was this the right thing to do? Is this where I'm supposed to be? Last time was so much easier. I felt like I had nothing to lose. This time it's almost like I have everything to lose.

The first day was the hardest. That morning as I choked back tears, these people drove away and back to their lives. I waited on the porch knowing it wouldn't happen, but still hoping to see those headlights come back up the street. Waiting. I tried to climb into bed and fall back asleep. Those past few nights had been too fun to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. My eyes and body were weak at tired, but my heart weaker.  

My friend Emily seems to be the only one who knows where I'm coming from, and for that I'm grateful. Talking to her helps me feel that I'm not alone. She shares my fear in that the newest relationships I have formed will be the ones to fade away the quickest. I can't stand the thought of it, but its that thought that constantly haunts me.

I don't know what those moments ment to you. Those moments of complete vulnerability. Those moments where all the walls that you so carefully built up came crashing down. For me, it ment a lot, and I hold those moments close. Unnecessary apologies were the majority of what was spoken, and in the end it probably all means nothing. But whatever you do, don't forget that I care.

Don't forget. Forgetting is my biggest fear.


  1. I wish I had some super clever words that would make you feel better! This time in your life is full of so many changes and questions... it's scary but will be exciting as well. So much is in store for you Rebekah! You are amazing and so are your good friends!

    And I LOVE YOU!!!

  2. Oh, Rebekah. You beautiful, poetic girl. I'll love you 'till the very end.

  3. just to let you know, i will literally never ever in a bazillion years forget you/our trip/our love/our friends. seriously. i love you so FREAKIN' much. and we're always gonna be here, no matter.

  4. Oh my dear Bekah! Beautifully written~ thanks for sharing!

    "Vulnerability is not weakness... Vulnerability is emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives... Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage... To be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest. Vulnerability is the birth place of innovation, creativity and change. To create is to make something that has never existed before; there is nothing more vulnerable than that..." -- Brene Brown, TED Talk 'Vulnerability'...

    It is in those quiet moments when you can ALMOST make sense of it all. You are creating something magnificent in all of these stages and changes in your life. You are creating YOU. And those people that make the choice to remain a part of your life will FOREVER be blessed with how wonderful you are now and the woman you are becoming.

    I am glad that I met you in the first round.