Thanks for trying Jack.

Got a speeding ticket on my way home yesterday, probably for a very large sum of money. The ironic part is I was listening to this song.

Cool man, cool.

But it all boils down to one quotable phrase...

"If you love something, give it away."

This was given to me by some little girls who probably had no idea the effect it would have on me. As I held it in my hand and studied each letter, each word, a flood of emotions came over me. Realization: it's all going to be ok.

Today is just what I needed.

Sometimes I have those days where I don't feel like going to chuch because I could get a lot of things done if I just spent the whole day at the house.

Today was one of those days.

But I went anyway.

Sometimes I have those days where everything I hear at church is exactly what I needed to hear.

Today was one of those days.

A few of the highlights:

• Forgive YOURSELF
• Believe in God
• Give of yourself to others

Yeah, those are all things I could use A LOT of practice in.

And another thing: We were asked to think of our best day. Do you want to know what I thought of? GET READY, because you'd never guess.

I closed my eyes and saw flashes. Flashes of those faces. Those faces that I love. Flashes. That first night the four of us hung out when I got off work. That night the three of us stayed up till 5:30 on your birthday. That first time just you and I talked in your room about all the hardships we'd been through. That day the four of us went to Tucanos, and then layed around all day. That time you threw up. That day we all decided to punch eachother. That night we hiked Delicate. That night when we all said goodbye. That day I drove away and realized everything. Flashes. Ok so it's not one day, but you get the idea. And sure, they aren't all perfect, but they're some of my fondest memories.

Do I repeat myself? Very well then, I repeat myself.

Next, "What if you could have your best day, every day?" WOW. Every day? I want to have my best day every day! And I can, and I will, and I started with today.

After church I went for a hike by myself. After all, it is Earth Day, and what better way to spend it?

  

What I planned to be about an hour or so hike turned into four hours totaling about nine miles. My goal was to hike up Mill Creek to find the pools. My ipod died not five minutes into the hike, which is actually probably the reason I got lost. I was lost in my thoughts. Not realizing the canyon split, I kept walking the wrong way until I realized it had been two hours, headed back to the parking lot and barely made it back before dark. Though not at all what I planned, it was a day well spent. There's something about nature that brings you closer to God, and to yourself. I'll probably go back tomorrow and hike to the pools now that I know which way not to go.

So, happy Earth Day, or something like that.

Ode to Emily

This is Emily. Emily is Moab. Delete is, insert was.

Emily was Moab.

Emily has moved to Pennsylvania to milk goats, make cheese and work on a farm.

Last year, I left everything, packed up, and moved to Moab. Not knowing what to expect I started a job at the Moab Adventure Center, where among many other things, met Emily. It didn't take long for me to love this girl. Can I just say that Emily is easily one of the most genuine people I have ever met. She is so hard working and is good at anything she sets her mind to. If she wants something, she will accomplish it! Anyway, Emily took me under her wing and taught me how to do things around the MAC, but more importantly she befriended me. In my eyes that's the best thing someone could do for me. Emily was easily the best thing that happened to me here.

Now, I'm back. Back in Moab. This time it was a little harder to convince myself to come. First of all, I had just formed new friendships that were some of the best that I've experienced my whole life. And second, no Emily. "How am I going to do this without her?" is a constant thought running through my head. Who will I watch movies with late into the night? Who will I have story time with in the slow morning hours at the MAC? Who will sit by me at church? Who will laugh with me about stupid things that aren't funny? Who will go to Dennys with me? Who will talk to me forever about boys? WHO? No one could ever replace Emily. She has made a huge impact in my life and I love her beyond measure. But, we are both embarking in seperate journeys. I in Moab, and Emily across the country in Pennsylvania. I'm trying not to be sad about it, because she is in a good place. She is doing good things and having new adventures. She's an amazing person with an amazing future. (Please marry my brother so I can keep you forever!)

If you have the chance to meet Emily, you are the luckiest. She is a good friend, one of my best, and a good listener. She has good ideas, and her witts about her. She is strong (stronger than an Omish boy) and such a hard worker. She knows all the answers and will pour her heart into helping anyone. This girl cares.This girl is a keeper.

Of course,

I found the black lights after everyone went back home.

So, I plugged 'em in, cranked the Katy Perry, and had a dance party alone in my underwear.

Though I haven't had any human interaction today, this has its perks too.

Please don't go

I'll eat you up, I love you so.

Those three days where some of the best to date.

I can't really say the same about these past two.

The quiet reminds me of what isn't here, what I left behind. The quiet gives me time to think. Perhaps too much time. Was this the right thing to do? Is this where I'm supposed to be? Last time was so much easier. I felt like I had nothing to lose. This time it's almost like I have everything to lose.

The first day was the hardest. That morning as I choked back tears, these people drove away and back to their lives. I waited on the porch knowing it wouldn't happen, but still hoping to see those headlights come back up the street. Waiting. I tried to climb into bed and fall back asleep. Those past few nights had been too fun to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. My eyes and body were weak at tired, but my heart weaker.  

My friend Emily seems to be the only one who knows where I'm coming from, and for that I'm grateful. Talking to her helps me feel that I'm not alone. She shares my fear in that the newest relationships I have formed will be the ones to fade away the quickest. I can't stand the thought of it, but its that thought that constantly haunts me.

I don't know what those moments ment to you. Those moments of complete vulnerability. Those moments where all the walls that you so carefully built up came crashing down. For me, it ment a lot, and I hold those moments close. Unnecessary apologies were the majority of what was spoken, and in the end it probably all means nothing. But whatever you do, don't forget that I care.

Don't forget. Forgetting is my biggest fear.

Happy Easter

Here's to keeping the good times coming!

The hardest thing

There are so many words. Too many, not enough, the wrong ones. Words.

I knew it was going to be hard to leave them behind, but this was harder than I thought. I didn't expect to have to pull over and have my mom drive us the rest of the way. I didnt expect to read those letters aloud to her as I hardly managed to choke back tears. It just happened, and I don't have words.



(This is the only picture where most of us are looking and it's clear enough that you can make out all our faces, sord of.)

I know we've all said how things won't change, and when I come back it'll be like I never left, but I can't help but worry. I am my fathers daughter, which means I'm a stresser. I know it's only for four months, but think about all that has happened in one month. In one month, my life has completely changed for the better. I have grown closer to the most beautiful people imaginable. 

This picture makes me the happiest kid. Can't take your eyes off them? Me either! I don't think I have ever loved a group of people so much, so fast. It's been said again and again that I feel like I've known them all my life. Which makes me think, maybe I have. Maybe nothing is coincidence, and everything leading up to becoming close to these beauties is just for that. To become close to them. They have changed me so much for the better, and my love for them is so deep.

Ohhh these boys. There is something about these boys that I can't get enough of. They aren't dramatic, they dont care what you're wearing, they will play video games with me and tell dirty jokes. They always want to go out to eat, because they're always hungry, just like me. I feel like they're all my brothers, and I love them so so so much! (Not pictured: Kent, Chris and Tony)

P.S. For those of you who thought I wasn't serious about sleeping with those letters in my bed, THINK AGAIN!

They haven't left my side, because I feel like there is a little part of each of you with me through these notes. I keep them close and it helps me with my anxiety. Besides having you all here with me, I couldn't have asked for anything better than these letters in which the words are all the right ones.

P.S.S This girl left a little early, but that doesn't make me love her less, she just gets her own picture!