Everlasting Light

Photo Credit: Eva Stilson

Let me be your everlasting light
The sun when there is none
I'm a shepherd for you
And I'll guide you through
Let me be your everlasting light

Let me be your everlasting light
I'll hold and never scold
In me you can confide
When no one's by your side
Let me be your everlasting light

Oh baby, can't you see
It's shinin' just for you
Loneliness is over
Dark days are through
They're through

Let me be your everlasting light
A train goin' 'way from pain
Love is the coal
That makes this train roll
Let me be your everlasting light

Gentle handed, Lion hearted

This boy is my best friend, and my sister. Niels is one of the easiest people on this planet to get along with, and I'm going to miss him a lot. He's leaving on a two year mission to Morristown New Jersey and I couldn't be more excited for him. Over the past three years or so, I've gotten closer to Niels. He's one of those few people I can talk for hours about nothing and everything. There are no walls to break down, and no egg shells to walk around. I trust this kid more than anyone, and love him so much. Saying goodbye to Niels was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Even though it wasn't a goodbye, but merely a "see ya in two years", it was still so hard. He is doing the right thing, no doubt, and I couldn't support him more than I already do. Before you leave Niels, just know that I really do love you so much. Never forget that. You are going to be such a good missionary, and the people of New Jersey are so lucky! Good luck, and don't worry about us, because we'll be just as in love with you when you come back!

Please enjoy these pictures of Niels and I either in nature or eating. Our favorite things.

These are my other best friends. We all love eachother so much. As one of our last days all together for a while, we went up to Vernon Utah to Chris' ranch. It was one of the best days, that should've never ended.

Cocorosie: Rainbow Warriors

In these times of evil spirits
Of material thugs and mischief
Fear Saint Noni's wisdom
And his love for rainbow spirits
Jealous of their faithful heart-bond
And their dancing and their laughing
Made at last a league against them
To molest them and destroy them
Saint Noni wise and heart-strong
Often said to Rainbowarrior
"O my brother do not leave me!
Lest the evel spirits harm you!"
Rainbowarrior of two spirits
Gentle hand and lion-hearted
He laughed and then he answered
Like a child he softly whispered

We are Rainbowarriors
Evil come not near
Rainbow love awaits us
With hearts of love and tears

He's dead our sweetest mother
Loving father and our teacher
He's gone from us forever
He has moved a little nearer
To the master of all laughter
To the master of all song
O my brother, O my brother
Crystal brother of two spirits
Then we gathered in a circle
Stood round the rainbow fire
Burning embers hearts united
We remembered mystical beauty
If you look hard you can find a
Rainbow trail it's deep inside ya
Fear not you're a rainbowarrior
Golden light on everything gleaming

Just ranting.

Truth is, girls are pretty damn dramatic.

Truth is, the world is not out to get you.

Truth is, I'm done doing things for other people because it's what I think they want, or so I don't hurt their feelings. (Niels explains the feeling pretty well.) I'm done feeling to blame for your sadness.

Truth is, Moab is where I'm supposed to be right now. Sometimes it's too far away, and sometimes, not far enough.

Truth is, there's someone I really miss, that I'm going to miss a whole lot more in 8 days.

Truth is, I don't know what the truth is.

Call it what you want, but I just say it how it is.

Six

There were six,and then there was one, and one, and four.
But mostly there was one.

These same heavy, red eyes
fight their way through the dark,
through the deep pools,
the deep pools that fill up without notice.
These same eyes,
longing to see the five.

These same lungs fill up with the hot, dry, redness.
These same lungs,
long to breathe the same air.

Pulling each direction
These same hands that are pulled
back and forth across the barren 188 mile stretch.
These same hands,
longing to touch.
But something unknown pulls me to stay.
Something unknown and beautiful.
To stay here,
when all of me is there.
All of me besides this body.

There were six, and then there was one.

Thanks for trying Jack.

Got a speeding ticket on my way home yesterday, probably for a very large sum of money. The ironic part is I was listening to this song.

Cool man, cool.

But it all boils down to one quotable phrase...

"If you love something, give it away."

This was given to me by some little girls who probably had no idea the effect it would have on me. As I held it in my hand and studied each letter, each word, a flood of emotions came over me. Realization: it's all going to be ok.

Today is just what I needed.

Sometimes I have those days where I don't feel like going to chuch because I could get a lot of things done if I just spent the whole day at the house.

Today was one of those days.

But I went anyway.

Sometimes I have those days where everything I hear at church is exactly what I needed to hear.

Today was one of those days.

A few of the highlights:

• Forgive YOURSELF
• Believe in God
• Give of yourself to others

Yeah, those are all things I could use A LOT of practice in.

And another thing: We were asked to think of our best day. Do you want to know what I thought of? GET READY, because you'd never guess.

I closed my eyes and saw flashes. Flashes of those faces. Those faces that I love. Flashes. That first night the four of us hung out when I got off work. That night the three of us stayed up till 5:30 on your birthday. That first time just you and I talked in your room about all the hardships we'd been through. That day the four of us went to Tucanos, and then layed around all day. That time you threw up. That day we all decided to punch eachother. That night we hiked Delicate. That night when we all said goodbye. That day I drove away and realized everything. Flashes. Ok so it's not one day, but you get the idea. And sure, they aren't all perfect, but they're some of my fondest memories.

Do I repeat myself? Very well then, I repeat myself.

Next, "What if you could have your best day, every day?" WOW. Every day? I want to have my best day every day! And I can, and I will, and I started with today.

After church I went for a hike by myself. After all, it is Earth Day, and what better way to spend it?

  

What I planned to be about an hour or so hike turned into four hours totaling about nine miles. My goal was to hike up Mill Creek to find the pools. My ipod died not five minutes into the hike, which is actually probably the reason I got lost. I was lost in my thoughts. Not realizing the canyon split, I kept walking the wrong way until I realized it had been two hours, headed back to the parking lot and barely made it back before dark. Though not at all what I planned, it was a day well spent. There's something about nature that brings you closer to God, and to yourself. I'll probably go back tomorrow and hike to the pools now that I know which way not to go.

So, happy Earth Day, or something like that.

Ode to Emily

This is Emily. Emily is Moab. Delete is, insert was.

Emily was Moab.

Emily has moved to Pennsylvania to milk goats, make cheese and work on a farm.

Last year, I left everything, packed up, and moved to Moab. Not knowing what to expect I started a job at the Moab Adventure Center, where among many other things, met Emily. It didn't take long for me to love this girl. Can I just say that Emily is easily one of the most genuine people I have ever met. She is so hard working and is good at anything she sets her mind to. If she wants something, she will accomplish it! Anyway, Emily took me under her wing and taught me how to do things around the MAC, but more importantly she befriended me. In my eyes that's the best thing someone could do for me. Emily was easily the best thing that happened to me here.

Now, I'm back. Back in Moab. This time it was a little harder to convince myself to come. First of all, I had just formed new friendships that were some of the best that I've experienced my whole life. And second, no Emily. "How am I going to do this without her?" is a constant thought running through my head. Who will I watch movies with late into the night? Who will I have story time with in the slow morning hours at the MAC? Who will sit by me at church? Who will laugh with me about stupid things that aren't funny? Who will go to Dennys with me? Who will talk to me forever about boys? WHO? No one could ever replace Emily. She has made a huge impact in my life and I love her beyond measure. But, we are both embarking in seperate journeys. I in Moab, and Emily across the country in Pennsylvania. I'm trying not to be sad about it, because she is in a good place. She is doing good things and having new adventures. She's an amazing person with an amazing future. (Please marry my brother so I can keep you forever!)

If you have the chance to meet Emily, you are the luckiest. She is a good friend, one of my best, and a good listener. She has good ideas, and her witts about her. She is strong (stronger than an Omish boy) and such a hard worker. She knows all the answers and will pour her heart into helping anyone. This girl cares.This girl is a keeper.